drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your penis caused this!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
