after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
