So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
