porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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