I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
