Apparently you make a good broom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish you could order shots online.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
