okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
