I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
