She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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