I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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