dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
