That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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