if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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