if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
