can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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