I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
