can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
