I could have mohawked her pubes.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
