I just pynch a tree in the face
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
