He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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