I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
