The maid of honor just puked.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
