I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
