I cannot find my penis.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Someone shattered a urinal.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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