Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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