Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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