she was so not down for the gang bang
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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