I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
