I wannas sexs uuuuu
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
