I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize