How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
