I wannas sexs uuuuu
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
