dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
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So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
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There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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