I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
