You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
