it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
