Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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