I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize