Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
