So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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