It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Never underestimate the power of titties
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
