nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
