are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
