y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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