you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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