Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
