he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
