no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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