i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
