I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
