It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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