take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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