I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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