He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
