If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
