Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize