I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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